Haphephobia (Chiraptophobia, Aphephobia, Aphenphosmphobia), or the fear
of touch, is an uncommon but often devastating phobia. If you suffer from
haphephobia, you fear being touched by anyone, although some people are only
afraid of being touched by those of the opposite gender.
Why we are Afraid
of Touching Other People?
Why indeed we are
no comfortable of touching strangers?
Is it because of
the American business culture fostering the old-fashioned approach to the touch
due to the fear of sexual harassment?
Is it because of
the conservative, traditional, and religious backgrounds, forcing the cautious
and directly forbidding such behavior?
Is it because we
are afraid to “open up” to other people, we do not fully trust?
Is it because we fear
rejection?
Or, because we do
not want to be considered strange and funny by other people?
Many questions, few
answers. Actually, in most cases, there is a single and simple answer: all of that above!
Writing in 1928, John B. Watson, one of the originators
of the behaviorist school of psychology, urged parents to maintain a physical
boundary between themselves and their children: “Never hug and kiss them, never
let them sit on your lap. If you must, kiss them once on the forehead when they
say goodnight. Shake hands with them in the morning. Give them a pat on the
head if they have made an extraordinarily good job on a difficult task.” Watson
acknowledged that children must be bathed, clothed, and cared for, but he
believed that excessive touching—that is, caressing—would create “mawkish”
adults. An untouched child, he argued, “enters manhood so bulwarked with stable
work and emotional habits that no adversity can quite overwhelm him.”
Many parents still
follow the Watson recommendations to various degree, but the numerous studies
proved that if you want to attain the positive results with your kids, we
should constantly do the opposite: touch, as frequent and as caring as
possible.
Let’s review what are the attributes of the non-verbal communication,
which can be exchanged by the means of touching other people.
Non-verbal
Communication through Touch
DePauw University psychologist Matthew Hertenstein, in the
recent 2009 study, clearly demonstrated that we have an innate ability to
decode emotions via touch alone. In a series of experiments, Hertenstein had
volunteers attempt to communicate a list of emotions to a blindfolded stranger
solely through touch. Many participants appeared to be extremely uneasy about
this experiment. "This is a touch-phobic society," Hertenstein
concluded. "We're not used to touching strangers, or even our friends,
necessarily."
But touch they did—it was, after all, for science. The
results suggest that for all our caution about touching, we come equipped with
an ability to send and receive emotional signals solely by doing so.
Participants communicated eight distinct emotions—anger, fear, disgust, love,
gratitude, sympathy, happiness, and sadness—with accuracy rates as high as 78
percent. "I was surprised," Hertenstein admits. "I thought the
accuracy would be at chance level," about 25 percent.
Previous studies by Hertenstein and others have produced
similar findings abroad, including in Spain (where people were better at
communicating via touch than in America) and the U.K. Research has also been
conducted in Pakistan and Turkey. "Everywhere we've studied this, people
seem able to do it," he says.
Indeed, we appear to be wired to interpret the touch of
our fellow humans. A study providing evidence of this ability was published in
2012 by a team who used fMRI scans to measure brain activation in people being
touched. The subjects, all heterosexual males, were shown a video of a man or a
woman who was purportedly touching them on the leg. Unsurprisingly, subjects
rated the experience of male touch as less pleasant. Brain scans revealed that
a part of the brain called the primary somatosensory cortex responded more
sharply to a woman's touch than to a man's. But here's the twist: The videos
were fake. It was always a woman touching the subjects.
The results were startling, because the primary
somatosensory cortex had been thought to encode only basic qualities of touch,
such as smoothness or pressure. That its activity varied depending on whom
subjects believed was touching them suggests that the emotional and social
components of touch are all but inseparable from physical sensations.
"When you're being touched by another person, your brain isn't set up to
give you the objective qualities of that touch," says study coauthor
Michael Spezio, a psychologist at Scripps College. "The entire experience
is affected by your social evaluation of the person touching you."
If touch is a language, it seems we instinctively know
how to use it. But apparently it's a skill we take for granted. When asked
about it, the subjects in Hertenstein's studies consistently underestimated
their ability to communicate via touch—even while their actions suggested that
touch may in fact be more versatile than voice, facial expression, and other
modalities for expressing emotion.
"With the face and voice, in general we can identify
just one or two positive signals that are not confused with each other,"
says Hertenstein. For example, joy is the only positive emotion that has been
reliably decoded in studies of the face. Meanwhile, his research shows that
touch can communicate multiple positive emotions: joy, love, gratitude, and
sympathy. Scientists used to believe touching was simply a means of enhancing
messages signaled through speech or body language, "but it seems instead
that touch is a much more nuanced, sophisticated, and precise way to
communicate emotions," Hertenstein says.
It may also increase the speed of communication: "If
you're close enough to touch, it's often the easiest way to signal
something," says Laura Guerrero, coauthor of Close Encounters:
Communication in Relationships, who researches nonverbal and emotional
communication at Arizona State University. This immediacy is particularly
noteworthy when it comes to bonding. "We feel more connected to someone if
they touch us," Guerrero notes.
There's no phrase book to translate the language of
touch; if anything, experts have barely begun documenting its grammar and
vocabulary. "We found that there are many different ways to indicate a
given emotion through touch," Hertenstein notes. What's more, how a touch
gets interpreted is very context dependent. "Whether we're at the doctor's
office or in a nightclub plays a huge role in how the brain responds to the
same type of contact," Spezio explains. Still, examining some of the
notable ways that we communicate and bond through touch (and how we develop the
capacity to do so) reveals the versatility of this tool and suggests ways to
make better use of it. There's much to be gained from embracing our tactile
sense—in particular, more positive interactions and a deeper sense of
connection with others.
Our skin is our largest organ and would measure about two
meters if it was laid flat. Given that our bodies are precious real estate, for
something to take up this much room, there must be a good reason for it. Yes
it’s to stop infections and yes it’s to stop our important bits and pieces
falling out but there is another reason. It is the pathway for touch – one of
our most powerful and important functions. For long-term wellbeing, touch is as
important as food and security.
In one tender squeeze there are so many things that can
be said. ‘You’ll be okay.’ ‘I’m proud of you.’ ‘Yeah, I’m worried about it
too.’ ‘It’s scary isn’t it?’ ‘You’re freaking amazing.’ ‘Come on. Talk to me.’
‘What’s happening with us?’ ‘I love you.’ When it’s from the right person in
the right context, we rarely have to guess the words – the words become
irrelevant anyway. Instantly we can feel closer, calmer and more understood.
Touch is fundamental to the human experience. It is most
likely no accident then, that the lack of connection, either emotional or
physical is discussed in terms of touch – tactless, lost touch with, out of
touch.
Of course, touch can also hurt. With very good reason, we
have made moves to protect ourselves and those we care about from the type of
touch that can have catastrophic consequences. There are strong boundaries
around the appropriate use of touch and this is a good thing – we need to feel
safe. ‘Safe touch’ though, doesn’t have to mean ‘no touch’.
In discouraging the wrong touch, we need to be careful
not to make ourselves vulnerable to ‘touch hunger’, a phenomenon described by
Dr. Tiffany Field, Director of the Touch Research Institute at the University
of Miami. When we experience a lack of physical contact, fundamental human
needs are left unmet, particularly around our relationships and our physical,
mental and emotional wellbeing.
Research has found clear cultural differences in
interpersonal touch. In a widely cited study, psychologist Sidney Jourard
observed friends chatting to each other in cafes across the world. Jourard found
that in the space of an hour, people in Puerto Rico touched each other an
average of 180 times. In Paris, it was 110 times. Jet over to Florida and the
averaged dropped to twice an hour. In London the average was zero.
There are plenty of good reasons not to touch every
stranger we see – but when we hold back on too much, we miss out on too much.
How to Learn to
Enjoy Human Touch?
Start from yourself, start enjoying your own body, as
that the first and the most important step in the human touch language
education. Spend time with your own body, learning what feels comfortable, and experimenting
with no fear to look silly and childish. No one sees you at the moment; you are
fully allowed to be yourself. Overcoming the uneasiness in your own body is
necessary before you start learning interpersonal touch communication.
Make mental records of what do you like, what makes you
uncomfortable, and what does not touch your sense. Do you like to be warm, or
cool? Does it feel better to touch your skin with skin, with fabric, with
feather, or with nothing but the open air? Without worrying too much about
social expectations, what parts of your body feel private or personal to you?
How do you protect them? Which ones, if any, are you more comfortable sharing?
How, and with who?
Asking before leaning in for a hug or handshake, in
addition to giving both people the option to veto, can buy you a second to
assess where you're at. Do I want to be touched? Does that idea feel good, or
bad, in my body? Does it make me feel tense, or relaxed? What does that mean?
It can be a good idea to intentionally practice saying "no,"
"not now," and offering a more comfortable alternative, so that those
responses come out a little more easily when you need them. Ability,
willingness, and way to say NO is as important as the ability to enjoy the
touch. You do not have to enjoy the touch anytime, anyplace, with anyone, you
are in power and you are in control to make a choice, and know that your choice
is respected and understood.
Work on building a culture, among your friends and
family, of asking for touch.
Find a person you trust, to practice affectionate touch
with. This can be whatever you want it to be--hand-holding, a hug, even just
sitting close together. Notice what happens in your body and emotions, during
this experience--usually, anxiety will increase, peak, and then decline. If it
feels comfortable, talk this through with your friend as it happens. Waiting it
out can help your brain and body recognize the feelings that you can actually
handle, in settings where you want to.
Find a space, where you have emotional feeling of being
safe. It may be home of your friends, your parents, or attend specially
designated for safe environment events, like moving meditation, sensual
massage, or tantric communication workshops.
Finally, and especially if the anxiety seems too
overwhelming to handle alone, consider seeing a therapist. Depending on the
intensity and cause of your response, it might be something you could resolve
much more quickly with some help, than on your own. EMDR, mindfulness, and
hypnosis are approaches that could be especially useful in managing a specific
fear or anxiety similar to this one,
This is something we will be working around in our Dance
Movement Therapy Group, and while it can feel awkward for some people at first,
it can also be really helpful, given the perception of the safe and sacred
environment.
Sources and
Additional Information:
